Well. Here I am.

Version guaranteed to piss off general populous.

• People who say Obama is running the country into the shitter. Where were you the past eight years?
• Sarah Palin and her sadsack attempts to play the victim in everything she does.
• Dane Cook.
• People who are violently against Stephanie Meyer and Twilight. I mean, come on, people. Yes, the books aren't freakin' Shakespeare or even Stephen King or JK Rowling, but the fact of the matter is the woman has made an ass-ton of money off her books and all the merchandise and movie deals that they've spawned. I think that makes her a "successful writer", even if she is not a "good writer", per se. Personally, I think Edward Cullen is kind of twatty and would DEFINITELY have picked Jacob over him, but the books were written for people at the early high school level.
  
• People who complain about their situation but do nothing to try and better it.
• All this hoo-hah about the year 2012. The world isn't going to end. 'Nuff said. Check out this.
• Libertarians.
• The people who write for The Appalachian.

I worry about the future a lot. A worry about the future more than most people my age probably do. I haven't decided yet whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.

 

The biggest issue I'm facing right now is law school. This consumes most of my time with good reason. For one, I've got a lot of things I want to see myself do. Since I've taken Constitutional Law, I think I'd like to see myself become a judge one day. A federal judge, like on the circuit court. I feel like the judicial branch is the one branch of government that can stay truly honest. It's GETTING there that's the issue. I worry that my LSAT score isn't high enough. I haven't even taken the goddamn test yet and I don't think it'll be high enough. Is my GPA high enough? Am I even remarkable enough to get into law school? I didn't try at all in high school and I was okay with the consequences that came from only getting into one school. Lucky for me, I love Appalachian and really can't see myself anywhere else. Now I'm actually trying to do well and probably won't get into a single one of the law schools I'm applying to. I make contingency plans all the time for what I'll do once this happens. I'll go with the JET program and go teach English in Japan. I'll go to the Peace Corps. I'll go work with Amnesty International or the Center for American Progress.

 

But God, I'd like to get into law school. I guess all I can do until then is try.

 

Another big thing about law school is it'll finally get me out of North Carolina. I want to live in a big city. So big I feel lost. I've been thinking of New York. Or DC. Hell, I've even though about making the cross-country trek to the home state and settle myself in California for three years. I'd be okay with that. I don't have any personal attachments to the state of North Carolina, not that it isn't a wonderful state. I just don't have any Southern roots. I mean, part of that I guess is the environment I was raised in-- Dad's from New Jersey and Mom's a Japanese army brat who's lived everywhere from Okinawa to El Paso. They met in California. That does not a Southern girl make. When I talk to people with the AppFund, they always comment about how I don't sound like I'm from the South, and I've been living here for a pretty long time. Mom and Dad are vehement on none of us growing up with Southern accents.

 

I get jealous of people my age who got those wandering periods before they decided what they want to do. I'm still jealous of people who don't know what they want to do. It's been pounded in my head since I was in high school that I needed to know what I wanted to do when I got out of college. I turned to being a chef because I love to cook and it was really easy to say "I'll go to culinary school". I still kind of wish I would have went. Maybe I'll always regret that a little bit. Now I obsess about internships and jobs and preparation and I hate myself for it a little and tell myself it'll pay off in the long run.

 

 

On the brighter side, learning I can get my PhD in genocide studies freaks me out a lot less than I thought it would.

But I look forward to the day I drive out of North Carolina and don't look back.

I know this is the last day of the reunion tour (or was it yesterday, I don't remember), but since I have every intention of keeping this blog around for a while, I'm not going to say any farewells.

I spent the weekend in Greensboro with Sam, and let me tell you, there is nothing like seeing your boyfriend get punched in the face by a thirty-five-year-old man. Twice. Anyway, UNCG's rugby team is now the state champ. So yay!

Anyway, after watching Sam play rugby, we went out to dinner at the Boba House in downtown Greensboro. They served vegan/vegetarian Asian food. We got spring rolls, pad Thai with tofu, and bubble tea. He got creamy avocado. I got pina colada. One of the things that I like best about Sam is that he doesn't "fear" food. Everyone's got that deal breaker, right? If the girl/guy doesn't read, it's not gonna work. Doesn't watch movies? Doesn't work out? Well, mine is being non-experimental with food. Remember that love of cooking I have? Yeah.

Food to me is such a dealbreaker with guys because I love to cook, and more importantly, I love to explore. If you're not at least willing to TRY something, you're probably not my type. Even if it turns out to be disgusting. I ate escargot when I was fifteen and probably wouldn't again. The texture weirded me out. Texture of food is a big thing with me. I can't handle boiled shrimp and scallops for that very reason.

Given, Sam is trying to keep kosher, which I can totally respect. But he'll at least TRY new things. He hadn't eaten tofu until we started dating. But he ended up liking it. I hadn't tried samosas til I met him, but as it turns out, they're quite delicious.

Good God I want to cook something.

Leaving for GSO in about 5.5 hours.

I apparently forgot a signature on my study abroad packet. I'm signing it Monday/turning in the scholarship application. They cashed my deposit check.

Looks like I'm going...

I was thinking about the question that seems to be the subject of the reunion tour right now, and that's "do I regret deleting Chocokat"

Shortly, no, I don't.

I miss the memories it held sometimes, sure. But at this point in my life, its contents aren't something I'm terribly interesting in revisiting. I feel like the chapter in my life that I'm at right now is the most terrifying and exciting one I've been at yet.

The only thing I miss about who I was in high school is how much I weighed. And I guess I had a pretty cute haircut like, once.

Also, this username is much, much more awesome. "Chocokat" still makes me feel like a fourteen year old girl with her first screen name.

Went and saw Paranormal Activity tonight, but if I'm planning to sleep at all, I can't talk about it or think about it. So you get a blog about schoolin'.

I currently have 19 books checked out from Belk Library. 9 are on Shylock. 5 are on Othello. 5 are on genocide. I am pushing myself to get to the end of a semester where I (foolishly) took 19 hours of very difficult classes. 3 4000 level classes (Shakespeare, Human Rigths, and Politics of Developing Nations), 2 3000 level classes (Administrative Law and Constitutional Law) and Biology. I'm ready to be done.

I've just about hammered out my schedule for next semester. Logic, Legal Environment of Business, Advanced Fiction, 20th Century British Literature, and Biology 2. Considerably easier than last semester. I hope.

I'm constantly afraid of what sort of competition I'm going to go up against. I'm afraid that I've become in college, like I was in high school, statistically unremarkable.

I'm about to get myself into some rocking loan debt.

 

The thing is, I was under the impression I'd be in France this year. Circumstantially, this ended up not being feasable. I had mostly written study abroad off after that as a pipe dream. That was until my logic teacher (who has this undeniable faith in me) approached me twice with study abroad attempts. The first would be in Germany to learn about philosophy and things. The whole shebang ended up falling through. Which sucked.

 

So he sent me an email a couple weeks ago talking about an opportunity to take two courses in Rome and Paris. I naturally jumped all over this. I mean, c'mon. Rome and Paris. To learn about the philosophy of love! And the history of sex and Christianity! COME ON HOW COULD I NOT DO THIS?

 

I haven't had a lot of the financial troubles that seem to plague all my friends. A lot of this I attribute to my parents giving me quite a hand financially (they are paying my tuition AND for my cell phone. Mom also occasionally puts fifty bucks in my bank account "for pizza"). I also don't have a car, so I don't have to worry about making payments on it. I also work two jobs.

 

I have some money saved up from when I graduated high school that I essentially haven't touched since. Why not put it towards something like this?

 

The only real trepidition I have is law school. I was already going to have to finance this through either scholarships or student loans. And the whole "buying a car" thing. And the whole "I am moving to Washington this summer" thing. I am quickly facing a lot of grown up issues that I had not intended to face yet.

 

I feel like I've busted my ass since I came to college, and now I kind of deserve this. Most of my teachers have the same faith in me that Dr. Kwong does. That I'm ambitious (which, I have learned, is not necessarily a bad thing). That I'll go on to do great things. I see none of this in myself. I think it's because there's been such a quick and drastic shift since high school when my advisers and teachers were all like "MERCY IT'S A WONDER YOU PASSED" to "Hey, you're like, one of the better students we have".

 

I'm not sure when I'm kidding myself and when I have legit confidence anymore.