I worry about the future a lot. A worry about the future more than most people my age probably do. I haven't decided yet whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.

The biggest issue I'm facing right now is law school. This consumes most of my time with good reason. For one, I've got a lot of things I want to see myself do. Since I've taken Constitutional Law, I think I'd like to see myself become a judge one day. A federal judge, like on the circuit court. I feel like the judicial branch is the one branch of government that can stay truly honest. It's GETTING there that's the issue. I worry that my LSAT score isn't high enough. I haven't even taken the goddamn test yet and I don't think it'll be high enough. Is my GPA high enough? Am I even remarkable enough to get into law school? I didn't try at all in high school and I was okay with the consequences that came from only getting into one school. Lucky for me, I love Appalachian and really can't see myself anywhere else. Now I'm actually trying to do well and probably won't get into a single one of the law schools I'm applying to. I make contingency plans all the time for what I'll do once this happens. I'll go with the JET program and go teach English in Japan. I'll go to the Peace Corps. I'll go work with Amnesty International or the Center for American Progress.

But God, I'd like to get into law school. I guess all I can do until then is try.

Another big thing about law school is it'll finally get me out of North Carolina. I want to live in a big city. So big I feel lost. I've been thinking of New York. Or DC. Hell, I've even though about making the cross-country trek to the home state and settle myself in California for three years. I'd be okay with that. I don't have any personal attachments to the state of North Carolina, not that it isn't a wonderful state. I just don't have any Southern roots. I mean, part of that I guess is the environment I was raised in-- Dad's from New Jersey and Mom's a Japanese army brat who's lived everywhere from Okinawa to El Paso. They met in California. That does not a Southern girl make. When I talk to people with the AppFund, they always comment about how I don't sound like I'm from the South, and I've been living here for a pretty long time. Mom and Dad are vehement on none of us growing up with Southern accents.

I get jealous of people my age who got those wandering periods before they decided what they want to do. I'm still jealous of people who don't know what they want to do. It's been pounded in my head since I was in high school that I needed to know what I wanted to do when I got out of college. I turned to being a chef because I love to cook and it was really easy to say "I'll go to culinary school". I still kind of wish I would have went. Maybe I'll always regret that a little bit. Now I obsess about internships and jobs and preparation and I hate myself for it a little and tell myself it'll pay off in the long run.