I'm about to get myself into some rocking loan debt.

The thing is, I was under the impression I'd be in France this year. Circumstantially, this ended up not being feasable. I had mostly written study abroad off after that as a pipe dream. That was until my logic teacher (who has this undeniable faith in me) approached me twice with study abroad attempts. The first would be in Germany to learn about philosophy and things. The whole shebang ended up falling through. Which sucked.

So he sent me an email a couple weeks ago talking about an opportunity to take two courses in Rome and Paris. I naturally jumped all over this. I mean, c'mon. Rome and Paris. To learn about the philosophy of love! And the history of sex and Christianity! COME ON HOW COULD I NOT DO THIS?

I haven't had a lot of the financial troubles that seem to plague all my friends. A lot of this I attribute to my parents giving me quite a hand financially (they are paying my tuition AND for my cell phone. Mom also occasionally puts fifty bucks in my bank account "for pizza"). I also don't have a car, so I don't have to worry about making payments on it. I also work two jobs.

I have some money saved up from when I graduated high school that I essentially haven't touched since. Why not put it towards something like this?

The only real trepidition I have is law school. I was already going to have to finance this through either scholarships or student loans. And the whole "buying a car" thing. And the whole "I am moving to Washington this summer" thing. I am quickly facing a lot of grown up issues that I had not intended to face yet.

I feel like I've busted my ass since I came to college, and now I kind of deserve this. Most of my teachers have the same faith in me that Dr. Kwong does. That I'm ambitious (which, I have learned, is not necessarily a bad thing). That I'll go on to do great things. I see none of this in myself. I think it's because there's been such a quick and drastic shift since high school when my advisers and teachers were all like "MERCY IT'S A WONDER YOU PASSED" to "Hey, you're like, one of the better students we have".

I'm not sure when I'm kidding myself and when I have legit confidence anymore.